"I have an idea! Let's get a huge group of loud, rowdy young adults and put them in a small space. A good deal of them will probably be intoxicated by some illegal substance. Then, we'll turn on really loud music and force them to jump and scream. Several of these young adults will lose their voices, and they'll all end up injured in some form or another. Let's make it so that they crowd each other so that they can't move for most of the time. And to make it more confusing, we'll add flashing lights so that they can't really see what's going on around them. We'll block off certain areas so that they're confined to a pit of noise and claustrophobia." "That's bloody brilliant. What shall we call this new torture method?" "Oh no, no; my dear idiot, it's a form of entertainment." O_o
Really. I think that's how that went down. The idea of it is absurd. And yet...it works out, for the majority of people without anxiety disorders.
So I went to a paint dance tonight. It was an educational experience. In my defense, I'm really rather ignorance (not much of a defense, I know) so I didn't know I'd be going into a mosh...mosch....moch...mochs...masdjlk;afskl;f;....we'll just say mosh, that makes sense...I didn't know I'd be going into a mosh pit. By the time I realized what it was and how bad it would be it was quite impossible to get out. I didn't really try in any case, because I wanted to show myself I could do it. I wanted to actually work through my anxiety; I'm getting tired of running away from it (though obviously I still do that for the most part). Overall the idea wasn't a good one; it was horribly timed...I've been physically sick all day (I feel absolutely awful now, especially since I was soaked from the paint) and I've been having a lot of trouble with my anxiety lately. But oddly enough, I feel like I've accomplished something. I've finally nearly been trampled to death. It's about time I got some real-life experience under my belt.
Ahem.
We (Wendy, Tyler, Emily, and I) were all together at first, but of course we all got split up. I eventually found Emily again and we managed to stick together for a bit, but then I lost her again. I was okay for a minute or two but I started to panic. The bodies were all up against me and I could not move. I also couldn't help but think of how incredibly easy it would be for someone to kill us all in an instant...bombs, poisonous gas, poison in the paint that was falling mysteriously from the air...(I've been reading some violent books lately). I thought it couldn't get worse and I just wanted to be able to have some personal space again, when suddenly some of the pressure from everyone else's bodies went away. I was relieved until I lost my balance and (since everyone was NOT holding me up anymore) fell to the ground.
Overall, no bueno. I would've started panicking if I wasn't in the middle of a panic attack already. No one could see me, and everyone was jumping up and down. Not. Good. The good part was I wasn't flat on my back. I managed to get my arm up and started hitting (it started as a tapping but that didn't do anything) someone's back. He either didn't notice or didn't care...then someone saw or felt my hand and was like "there's someone down there!" and he got me up. Phew.
Pretty soon I found Wendy again and we stuck together for a good long while. I was holding on to her. She had to scream at me to please not rip her shirt (for the record, her shirt is fine...not counting the paint stains. Which were not my fault). Anyway. We both lost our shoes. It kinda became, "do we want our shoes, or do we want to live?" Our shoes are gone and we're still alive.
When they started moving people above the crowd I really wished I was shorter, as my neck was being forced into VERY uncomfortable angles.
Eventually I had to lose Wendy again. I couldn't keep track of her without holding onto her, and everyone was pushing so hard I'm pretty sure my arm would have broken if I hadn't let go. So I let go, and my arm isn't broken.
Obviously I got out, and I survived. My anxiety is actually not too awful right now. I was pretty sure I'd be toast after that, but as I said, I'm feeling like I achieved something. I have bruises and I'm in pain, but hey, not too much anxiety.
Wendy, on the other hand, probably has a broken foot. We're going to go get it checked out tomorrow. She couldn't even stand the pressure of the water from the shower being on her foot. I hope she's okay.
***Side note: I think it'd be awesome if someone put some lead in the paint that they shoot out over everyone. A lot of people get it in their mouths because they're screaming. I'd enjoy watching everyone high by the end of the party. Imagine the news reports that would bring up. Hahahah. Anyway, continuing on...***
We all looked pretty gross after the paint dance. But I don't mind. I'm just glad we survived. It was okay, but certainly not my kind of thing. I just can't help but wonder who thought that would ever be a good idea in the first place.
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