Also, prepare for a lot of headdesk moments. Just sayin'.
Alright, folks. Being an English major, this sort of post was bound to happen sometime. People do not know how to use the English language (or probably any language, based on how they use their OWN language) correctly! This is obvious not only to those who study language, but to anyone whose brain isn't rotting.
All of these examples are real examples. Things I've learned, seen and/or heard. If you don't understand what's wrong with them...I deny that I ever knew you.
- When I worked at Cinemark in Ogden, I worked with a girl that swore like nothing I had ever seen or heard before. The curses didn't make sense (they rarely do). One night, we were cleaning up the concessions area. She was counting pickles, and said, "Fucking pickles." I had enough. I looked at her and said, "Really? That'll be the day." She had to think about what she had said, and she didn't swear so much around me after that. Or at least, she no longer claimed she was going to do nasty things to inanimate objects.
- "There are four hurdles Dale Brown everyone will encounter in life." That right there is the first sentence on the biggest front page story of The Utah Statesman in the September 26, 2011, issue. I'm assuming that the words "Dale Brown" were not supposed to be where they were (or maybe "says" should be after "Dale Brown"?), but the thing is, that's just sad that a published article on the front page of a university newspaper was so badly messed up.
- "...and then their sending him checks in large amounts." Yet another front page article in the Statesman. It was in the September 23, 2011, issue, which is the publication right before the one the above mess-up is in. They didn't even correct the mistakes later on their website. Where are the editors?!
- My friends, a deadly epidemic has infected all of us. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like....it, like, never goes away. Like, really? Like, are you, like, serious? Like, why have you, like, done this? I, like, never asked for my ears to, like, bleed from the way you, like, constantly say like. Like, come on. Are you, like, really that stupid? I am not exaggerating the excessive use of "like." It's a bit more obvious that "like" is there when you're reading, but most people don't realize how often they say "like." They say "like" more often than rappers swear. And that's just pathetic.
- I understand that we all have different accents. But pronunciation exists in ALL accents. For example, "spiritual" is never, EVER, supposed to be pronounced as "spirichal." And no, there is no such thing as a preppy cheerleader accent. That's just...stupidity, right there. Anyway. I noticed this mockery of speech multiple times on Sunday in church. This person never pronounced "spiritUal" correctly.
- Mountain. About. Bountiful. That....what do you notice about all these words? That's correct, class. They all have the letter "T". But you wouldn't know that, because they're usually pronounced as, "Moun-ain. Abou-. Boun-iful. Tha-. The missing "T' is just an empty space. There's room for it to be there, of course. You'll notice that the throat stops and closes around the sound. I don't know where it goes when it disappears. It's just so tragic that so few people let their "T"s be heard.
- Let's have a test real quick. How many problems are there in the following quote, and what are the problems? "I read good. Me and my brother always have reading contests when we where, like, 4 or 5. Its funny, I always one. He's such a pore loser. I guess hes just inable to cope when he looses his pride. I like stamping out his eggo." You guys would be shocked how often these mistakes appear. It's just so pathetic.
- Your. You're. Their. There. They're. Its. It's. Lose. Loose. Sole. Soul. Through. Throw. Chose. Choose. To. Too. Two. These poor, poor words are so sick of being confused with their corresponding look-alike(s) and sound-alike(s). These words are individual words, everyone. They want to be recognized for what they really are and what they really mean. Why will no one take the time to learn what they are individually? It's just not fair.
- You all might be wondering what the big deal is. Well let me tell you something...this is a huge issue around the world and across time. A man was executed because a judge accidentally left off a REALLY important word in a letter to the jury. This is life and death, folks. Life. And. Death. If you don't believe me, look up the Lodi-News Sentinel from March of 1991.
- Sadly, even smart people who work with language for a living make mistakes. In dictionaries. That's right. A word was completely made up in Webster's Third New International Dictionary. "Dord" was considered a word for eight years.
- Chilean money had "Chile" spelled wrong. This was no joke. People actually used these coins, and they said "Chiie". How does that happen? How did NO ONE catch that?? It took 10 months for anyone to catch on!!
- And now, just to really shock everyone...one translation of the Bible accidentally left out a rather important word. One of the ten commandments left out the word "not", which made everyone believe they needed to be committing adultery. Though some people undoubtedly found this enjoyable, I think we can all agree that that was just...wrong.
This is bad, my friends. Do what you can to fight and win this war. Scholars estimate that it will take 10 years or less for the "Post-Literary Mind Age" to begin. People don't know how to read anymore, and no one seems able to speak correctly. Do you want your children only able to communicate in LOL's and JK's and ATM's and G2G's and BRB's? Something must be done. Teach people to read, write, and speak! This is important. And yes, I know everyone makes mistakes. Typos exist, and they're not always sins. But nowadays, speaking correctly sounds like a mistake. Using proper grammer sounds weird. And that's just awful.
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